Massachusetts Estate Planning and Elder Law

More Thoughts on Choosing a Guardian for Your Child

One of the most important reasons that parents of minor children need to make a Will, is to name guardians to care for their children in the event neither parent is available.  Sabrina Winters, who writes the North Carolina Estate Planning Information Blog has a recent post listing 10 Items to Consider When Choosing a Guardian For Your Children.  Aside from the usual age and health of the guardians, she has some unique tips:

• Does your child actually like this person? You may think he or she is the perfect person to raise your child, but if your child does not have or show the same feelings towards that person, you may be causing more harm than good.
  
  
• How drastic will your child’s daily life change? Think about whether your child will have to move (in or out of state) or change schools. This could be a difficult transition without having just lost your parents. Imagine how difficult that would be if it is due to your parents passing away.
  
  
• Does this person have pets? If your child has allergies which may be drastically affected by living in a home with a pet, that home may not be the best place for your child to live. Many people will not give up their pets that easily.
  
  
• What type of job does this person have? Think about whether that person has to travel for work or has a job that is considered dangerous. This may mean that your child may have to go to daycare (not that that is a bad thing) or potentially even be faced with loosing another loved one.
  
  
• Would you live with this person? You cannot expect your child to live with someone if you could not see yourself living with this person!

As you can see, there are many factors to consider when choosing a guardian for your child, and this can be an area that prevents people from moving forward with their estate plan. Your attorney can help you by explaining what responsibilities the guardian will have, as well as what protections can be put into place to make sure that any money you leave for your children will be spent appropriately. 

See my past post on choosing guardians for your children for more information. 

Traveling Without The Kids This Summer?

Are you taking a vacation without your children this summer, even a weekend away? Make sure you have the proper documents in place so that whoever is caring for your children has the authority to obtain medical care for them in an emergency. Also, make sure that you leave detailed instructions about their medical history, allergies, and medications and how to reach their current doctor. 

If your over-18 children will be traveling without you, make sure they have a Health Care Proxy signed so someone can make medical decisions for them if they are unable.  While they may still be your baby, if they are over 18 your right to make decisions for them, or even get an update on their medical condition, will be limited without the proper authorizations in place. 

The more prepared you are before you leave, the less you have to worry about on your trip. Just don't forget the sunscreen! 

Information Binder for Parents and Children

I recently had a client who was having surgery, and was leaving her pets in the care of some friends. She left extensive instructions about what her pets eat, what they are allergic to, who their vets are, their medical history and current issues, and any quirks they have such as a favorite toy or special sleeping place.

It made me wonder how many people leave records like this when they leave their small children in the care of another.  Whether you're going out for the evening and leaving your children with a babysitter, or going away for a week and leaving your children with your parents, it's a good idea to keep a binder handy with all of the important information: 

• Each child's full name, date of birth and social security number.
• Any allergies (these should be in large, red lettering) to foods, medicines, soaps, etc.
• Name and phone number of pediatricians and other doctors seen regularly.
• Any recent or chronic illnesses.
• Name, dosage and location of any medications for each child.
• Name of each child's teacher and grade at school.
• Name of people allowed to visit child, and name of anyone you don't want visiting your child.
• Photocopies of the front and back of any health insurance or dental insurance cards.
• Copy of emergency guardianship proxy document.
• Recent pictures of each child. 

While you may know this information like the back of your hand, the people who are watching your children won't, especially in a crisis. 

By using a binder to store this information, you can add and change information as needed.  In addition, a binder, as opposed to a computer program, is easily accessible and can be grabbed as you are running out the door. 

Caring for the Caregiver

Whether you are caring for an aging parent, small children, or just yourself - everyone can use time for themselves to regroup and recharge.  One way that I like to recharge is with a short yoga practice during the workday.  Stacey Shipman of Let It Flow  has a great 10 minute Yoga At Your Desk podcast which will leave you feeling refreshed and ready to face the rest of your day. 

Because of the physical and emotional stress of caregiving, caregivers need to make sure they take care of themselves, too.  As they say on airplanes, you have to put on your own oxygen mask before helping the person next to you.  So think of this practice as putting on your own oxygen mask and breathe!

Making Sure Your Paper Work is Signed

I recently heard a story about a man who had passed away suddenly, leaving behind a young adult daughter.  He had been at a job that had offered him life insurance and certain other benefits when he retired a few years back.  However, as the grieving daughter began to sort through things, she realized that he had never signed any of the paperwork that would have put these benefits into effect.   

Maybe the father thought he'd get around to it soon, maybe there was a miscommunication with the company, but the reality of it is that this man's only heir is now left with a lot less than what her father intended.  And when she should be dealing with the death of her father, the daughter is having to deal with human resource departments, insurance companies and attorneys. 

Take some time over the next week or so to check in with your employer (or yourself if you are your own employer) to make sure that you've signed up for all the benefits that will protect your family in the event of your death or disability.  Make sure the papers have all been properly filled out, and that your beneficiary designations are current.

If it's been a few years since you've reviewed your estate plan, go over that as well to make sure it is still up to date.  If you haven't done your estate plan yet, call me at 781-749-2284 to find out how to get started. 

Setting Goals, Not Resolutions

People like to set resolutions for the New Year - lose weight, spend more time with family, get their estate plan in order, put finances in order.  But resolutions always seem to fade by February. Maybe it's because they are too vague, too big, too unwieldy. Why not set goals instead, with mini-goals along they way to get you there?

If your goal is to get your finances in order, start with tracking your spending.  You don't need anything fancy, a notebook or spreadsheet on your computer will be fine.  Next, keep track of all your bills and income. When you have a month or so of expenses tracked, and all of your bills in one place, contact a financial planner to help you make sense of it all, and put a plan in place for moving forward. This might involve investing your money in a certain way, obtaining appropriate insurance policies, even setting up a college fund for your children. 

If your goal is to "get your affairs in order", again, start small.  First, sit down with your spouse or partner and decide what you want to accomplish.  It might be making sure someone is appointed to care for your children if you are unavailable, or having someone be able to make decisions for you and manage your finances if you are unable.  Perhaps you want to protect your assets, or provide for a child with special needs, or maybe you just want to make things simple for your family if you pass away. 

After you've thought about your "big" goals, think about who the people are that you trust and who you'd want to handle things in the event you are unable.  It might be that you and your spouse choose each other as the primary agent named in your documents, but that you each choose different alternates.  That is fine.  In addition, you can choose different people to manage your finances, make health care decisions and become the guardian of any minor children.  The important thing is that you are choosing people you trust, and who will be able to handle the responsibilities. 

Once you've decided who you'd like to appoint and what your vision for the future looks like, or even if you've just narrowed it down a little, you should contact your attorney to meet and talk about your plans. Your attorney can review your current situation and your goals and let you know what you need to do to achieve them.  Before you know it, you'll be on your way to having your estate plan in place and you can move on to working on your other goals like reducing stress and getting in shape. 

Changed your mind? Make sure you change your will.

The Boston Globe had an article today about a Rhode Island man who had disinherited his two young children, and their mother's fight in court to obtain some of the estate for their use. 

What struck me about the article were the last few paragraphs:

Family members on both sides of the dispute agree on one thing: Corky Sliwkowski loved his daughters dearly. In the two years before he died, he saw the girls frequently, bought a camper to take them on road trips, and planned to expand his Rhode Island home to accommodate their visits, Joe and Barbara Sliwkowski said.

But Corky Sliwkowski never changed his will to reinstate his children. His brother and ex-wife said they believe the document was written when he was in a dark period caused by the manic-depressive disorder he had been diagnosed with a decade earlier. They said his illness could have caused him to forget what the will said, or postpone revising it.

The dead man's longtime pastor, the Rev. Joseph Creedon, of Kingston, R.I., said he believes Sliwkowski would have changed the will in time.

"You don't expect a will to come into play for years," he said. "So if you want to change it, you feel you have plenty of time."

While no one can ever know what he was thinking, it appears that his family and friends believed that he had changed his mind about disinheriting his daughters in his will. Sadly, he never changed his will to reflect his wishes.  The article points out that he did leave life insurance for the children so the finances may not have been an issue, but what child wouldn't feel hurt at being left out of their father's will?

If you've left someone out of a will and have had a change of heart, don't wait to make the changes to put them back in. You never know what life holds.

When Do you Buckle Your Seat-Belt?

Do you buckle your seat belt when you get in the car?  It's easy, doesn't take much time, and you know you'll be protected in the event of an accident. 

Do you figure that since things are fine now, you'll wait to fasten your seat belt until you feel the car start spinning out of control? Unless you have the reflexes of Superman, you probably won't have enough time. 

Or do you just never buckle your seat belt and figure that your family and other professionals can handle things in the event of an accident, because you are just too busy to do it now. 

What does this have to do with estate planning? Well, other than the fact that you hopefully have your plan in place in the event of an accident, it seems that my clients fall into one of these categories when it comes to planning for the future.

There are those who want to be prepared, and who get their plan done in a few visits.  They don't have to worry about what will happen to them or their loved ones in the event of a crisis.  They have had time to carefully think through their decisions, and make sure everything is just how they want it.  They are calm when they come to see me, and relieved when they leave.   They have their seat belts securely fastened and can enjoy the scenery. 

Then there are those who put off planning until it is almost too late.  They are leaving the country in 3 days and only have time to do a Wills, Powers of Attorney and Health Care Proxies and not the Trust and other planning that they wanted to do.  Or their mental capacity is slipping and the time they have to plan, before someone else needs to handle their affairs, is very limited.  What they have is better than nothing, but it will leave some complications for their loved ones to deal with in the event of their death or incapacity.   The expenses are higher, the risk of running out of time is greater.  They are stressed out when they come to see me, but mostly relieved when they are done. 

Then there are those who make no plan.  These are the saddest cases.  There has been a crisis in the family and instead of being able to concentrate on their parents or other loved ones, the children are visiting the attorney to try to sort out the legal mess.  They are trying to figure out what their parents have so that they can pay for their care, or apply for Medicaid for them.  Maybe they are having to go to Court to get a guardianship over their parents so that they can sell the house or handle the finances.  Maybe there are siblings who don't get along and can't agree over who should do what, and it's back to Court to let the judge decide.  Things that could have been decided when the parents were competent, are now being fought over.   Adult children who have their own lives and families to think about are having to jump through ten hoops to accomplish the same thing that would have been completed with a simple task had their mother or father or aunt or uncle executed a Power of Attorney.

These clients are sad, stressed, worried, angry and scared when the come to see me.  As we work through the issues at office visits, home and hospital visits, trips to Court and telephone calls the burden starts to lift, but the feeling of relief does not come as soon or in the same way as if there had been a plan put in place when there was time.

If you are ready to stop thinking about it and start planning, please call me at 781-749-2284.

Estate Planning When Your Child is an Addict

People often consider putting an estate plan together when they are going through a crisis. But how often do they think about doing (or re-doing) their estate plan when their child is in crisis?  A recent article in the Boston Globe about parents of heroin or oxycontin addicts who have formed support groups made me wonder how many of these parents have changed their Wills, Trusts, or life insurance policies  to reflect the crisis that their children are in. It would be quite dangerous (and perhaps even deadly) for an addicted child to inherit money outright. 

Even an adult child who is having problems with gambling, alcohol or drugs should probably not receive large inheritances outright, and should certainly not be named as your Power of Attorney (the person who would be managing your property in the event of your disability.)  If an adult child is named, and there has been a severe change in their circumstances, you should review your estate plan. 

While it can be distressing to admit, you must let your attorney know about these issues when you are planning your Wills, naming beneficiaries on insurance policies or retirement accounts, and when choosing agents to serve under the various documents.  Your attorney can let you know about the various strategies that exist to make sure that your child is protected in the event of your death - both from the danger of having access to no money, and the danger of having too much. 

(For information on the support systems available in Massachusetts for parents of addicts, visit  http://learn2cope.org/ .)

A Financial Checklist for Parents of Children with Special Needs

Financial and estate planning is important for every family, but more so for those families who have children with special needs.  MassMutual has a recent article on Helping to Build the Financial Future of Your Child with Special Needs, which provides a checklist for parents to consider when planning.  The list includes:

• Investigating what government benefits your child and family might be eligible for,
• Making sure your health plan is adequate for your child's present and future needs,
• Considering the financial needs of your child's guardian in the event of your death, and making sure the guardian will have adequate information regarding your child's needs,
• Thinking about where your child will live when they are older, and
• Making sure that your estate plan is adequately set up to provide for your child, while still allowing them to maintain the public benefits to which they are entitled. 

Preparing for the Estate Planning Meeting

You've scheduled an appointment with your attorney, and the meeting to talk about your estate plan is next week.  You have the information form she asked you to fill out, but in addition to listing your assets and income and children, there are other things to think about that don't fit so nicely into a box on a form. These are some of the things your attorney will ask you about, and that you (and your spouse or partner) should think and talk about before the meeting.

• How are your assets held? Are the beneficiaries on your life insurance policies and retirement accounts up to date? Have you even assigned beneficiaries? Do you have contingent beneficiaries listed?
  
  
• Do you have any children (or grandchildren) with disabilities? This can include mental or physical disabilities, and drug and alcohol addiction.  Be sure to bring up these issues with your attorney, and she can advise you on the best way to plan.
  
  
• At what age do you want your children to inherit money? Most people aren't ready to handle large amount of money at age 18. Your Will or Trust can be structured to allow payments at different ages.  You can even make it so that the funds can be held back if you child is in a position that would make a distribution inappropriate at that time (if they are gambling, or suffering from an addiction.)
  
• Who do you want to carry out your wishes? You need to think about who you want to choose as your agent under your Durable Power of Attorney, the executor for your Will, , your Health Care Proxy, the guardian for your minor children, and the Trustee for any trusts you might need.  Have you talked to these people yet about your plans?
  
  
• Do you have old Wills or Trusts, or other legal documents? Gather these up and bring them with you. Your attorney will probably want to review them.
  
  
• What are your other concerns?  No matter how trivial (or embarrassing) you think they are, if they might matter when making your plan, ask them.  If you think of questions while preparing for the meeting, write them down so you don't forget to ask your attorney.  And if you think of more questions after you leave, call her.

Choosing Guardians for Your Child with Special Needs

Choosing a potential guardian for a child is no easy task for any parent, but it may be even more difficult for a parent of child with special needs.  In addition to things like "will my kids be comfortable in their home?" you also have to consider

• do the guardians live near my child's medical providers? do they live near better (or less stellar) medical providers?
• would the guardians be willing to learn the procedures necessary to care for my child's feeding tube, catheter, or other medical devices?
• could the guardians handle my child's hyperactivity or bi-polar disorder? are they willing to learn?
• have I left enough resources either through life insurance policies or other means so that the guardians could renovate their house to accommodate my child's wheelchair, pay for a nurse or other home help to come in and assist them in learning how to perform any special procedures, or even stop working to care for my child full time?
• have I spoken to the proposed guardian to make sure they are comfortable with taking on these additional responsibilities in the event of my death?

The proposed guardian does not have to be able to do all those things now, but they do need to love your child and be willing to learn to raise a child with special needs - whether they are medical, neurological, or a combination.       

Another important thing to consider is having all of your child's medical information - diagnoses, doctors, therapists, surgeries, medications (with dosage, prescribing doctors, reason for medication), x-rays, cd's with MRI's or cat scans or endoscopies, IEP's, recommended books- gathered in a binder  for your potential guardian, or in the event of any emergency where that information might be needed. Just make sure to keep it up to date.

I work with families of children with special needs to prepare for their future with special needs trusts, wills, guardianships and other planning tools.

New Year's Resolutions

People make New Year's Resolutions about a lot of things - getting in shape, stopping smoking, getting organized, drawing up their Will and other planning documents.  And just as your personal trainer can give you information about the best way to get in shape and guide you on your way, your doctor can offer assistance in stopping smoking and your local organizing whiz can help you find the best way to manage your paper - your attorney can help you figure out the best way to form your estate plan.

Don't be afraid to contact your attorney and say "I know I need to have an estate plan, but I don't know what I need and I'm not sure how to distribute things."  That's OK. I have many clients who call up with the same concerns.  The initial meeting with my clients involves gathering a lot of information from them, and asking a lot of questions to help them form in their own mind what they want. Through the questions I ask, they can figure out who the best person is to serve as their agent under a Durable Power of Attorney, who they should appoint as guardian for their young children, or as trustee of their trust.  And through our conversation, we can decide if they just need a will, or if a trust of some sort would work best for them. 

So, give your personal trainer a call and let him know your fitness goals - he can help you get there.  Then, make an appointment with your attorney and let her know what your goals are for your and your family's future - and she can help you get there.

Planning for a Child with Special Needs

Planning for a child with special needs requires more than just making sure that you leave some money for them. Many times, children (including adult children) are receiving Medicaid or other government benefits due to their disability.  This is true even if they have private health insurance as well, since private health insurance doesn't cover everything. 

A Special Needs Trust, also called a Supplemental Needs Trust, can be a good tool in planning for your disabled child, as discussed in this recent New York Times Article. (You may need to register to read it, but registration is free.)  A special needs trust will allow your disabled child to continue to receive the necessary benefits under Medicaid or Social Security, while having money set aside to pay for those items and services that are necessary, but not otherwise covered. 

In general, the funds in a Special Needs Trust cannot be used to pay for food or shelter, since that is what Social Security Disability Insurance pays for, but they can be used to pay for things such as travel, clothing, classes, transportation, hobbies, vacations, haircuts,  TV's, DVD's, etc. In addition, because the funds are from a third party, meaning they did not belong to the beneficiary, the Trust does not compromise the beneficiary's government benefits. 

It is not just wealthy families who set up Special Needs Trusts.  A Special Needs Trust can be funded with bequests from the parent's (0r even grandparent's) Wills, and life insurance policies.  You can look out for your child while you are alive, and a Special Needs Trusts can help you provide for your child after you are gone. 

Changing Your Living Will During Pregnancy

Most people think that the time to revise their estate plan, including their health care proxy and living will is when a big change occurs: marriage, birth of a child, divorce, etc. However, as Shelly Mactyre, of The Fig Tree  points out, you may wish to change your living will or health care directive when you become pregnant to reflect any changes in your desire for extraordinary measures due to your pregnancy. 

Shelly decided that she wanted to be kept alive until the baby was viable. Have you thought about if you want to change your plans? And more importantly, have you told the person who would have to make this decision if you were unable?

How Does Property Pass Without A Will?

What happens if you die without a Will? How will your property in Massachusetts pass to your loved ones? It is often said that if you don't have an estate plan, the State has one for you.  Here it is:   

1) If a person dies with a spouse, and with kindred (relatives) surviving them, (but no children), the spouse is entitled to the first $200,000 and half of the remaining real and personal property. If the personal property is not sufficient to provide the surviving spouse with $200,000, real estate owned by the deceased can be sold or mortgaged to provide for the surviving spouse. 

If the deceased leaves issue (children, and children, grandchildren, etc. of deceased children), the surviving spouse shall take one half of all real and personal property.

If the deceased leaves no issue or kindred, the surviving spouse inherits all of the real and personal property. 

2) After the surviving spouse's share is distributed, or if there is no surviving spouse, the remaining property is distributed in equal shares to the decedent's issue, by right of representation. If all issue are of the same degree of kindred (i.e., all are grandchildren, or all are greatgrandchildren) they shall share equally. 

If the decedent leaves no issue, than to his or her mother and father, or the survivor of them.

If the decedent leaves no issue and no parents, than the property goes to his or her brothers and sisters, of the issue of any deceased brothers and sisters.

If the decedent dies with no issue, parents or siblings then the property is distributed to then to his next of kin in equal degree; but if there are two or more collateral kindred in equal degree claiming through different ancestors, those claiming through the nearest ancestor shall be preferred to those claiming through an ancestor more remote.

3) If someone dies with no spouse or kindred, their property shall escheat to the Commonweatlh.

Those without a Will may think that their spouse will inherit all of their property upon their death, but as you can see, it is possible that a spouse would only inherit half of the property held in the decedent's name alone, while also providing for distributions to rather distant relatives.  Is this how you would want your Will to read?

See: Massachusetts General Laws Ch. 190 ss. 1, 2, & 3.

Boston Globe Magazine Column About Wills

Today's Boston Globe Magazine had a column regarding some of the struggles parents go through when deciding when and how to make their estate plans.  It seems like all this father needed was a little nudge from his daughter. If your children can't talk yet, or haven't brought up your estate plan, don't let that hold you back.

By Shawn Peters  |  April 30, 2006

My 5-year-old daughter, Hazel, was snuggled up on my lap not too long ago, and as I marveled at how quickly she's growing up, I found myself telling her, "You know, even when you're a grown woman, with your own family, you will always be my little girl." She clearly liked the notion and replied, "And you will always be my daddy, even when you're dead."

That Disney moment turned Tarantinoesque in a hurry. But it also made me realize that if a kindergartner has figured out that I'm not immortal, it was time to draw up my first will and testament. For 11 years of marriage, we'd been walking a tightrope without a net: Where there was a will, there was a wait. At first there were no assets, at least until we'd opened all the wedding gifts, and no kids to provide for should we die unexpectedly. By the time Hazel was born, any assets we had accumulated were quickly eaten up by the expense of a new baby. But with the birth of Teddy, our second child, the purchase of a home, and the establishment of college funds, we could put off the will no longer.

Our estate planner sent us a list of questions to answer so she could draw up the paperwork. We assumed it would be easy, since we want our kids to get everything. Just to make it interesting, I daydreamed about doing something out of one of those wacky movies, where an eccentric, wealthy parent puts wild conditions in his will, forcing his heir to go to medical school or get married within three weeks of the death to get the inheritance.

Unfortunately, the actual process - deciding who gets what and when - doesn't lend itself to those kinds of cinematic high jinks. You're too busy agonizing over who will get your children and who will take charge of the money when you die. It's not exactly life-affirming. We agreed quickly that anyone we trusted with the kids we trusted with the cash, though we learned not everyone feels that way. I now know at least one couple that has one side of the family taking custody of the children while the other side controls the dough - it's dearly-departed detente as a way of keeping in-laws in contact.

The nearly imponderable questions just kept coming, and by the time we sorted out what will happen if I pass away, or if Sara dies first, or if we both go at the same time, or if the entire family is wiped out, I felt as if I had considered more unforeseen death scenarios than the executive producer of Six Feet Under.

The closest we came to conflict was disagreeing on the age at which the kids get their trust funds if we die. Sara felt that the money should remain under the control of a trustee until each child was 25. I thought we should give them the money when they finished college, to help them start paying off student loans. Sara's logic won, though, when she reminded me that giving a 22-year-old unfettered access to a deep bankroll might result in more money going to Jack Daniel's than Sallie Mae.

When we were finally ready to sign all the papers, we enlisted our neighbors Becky and Rick to serve as witnesses. That evening, I was relieved on two fronts: I had finally done my duty to my loved ones, and, simultaneously, I had shed years of guilt. Truly I had been ashamed, and for years believed no responsible couple would have waited as long as we did. But then, as our neighbors, who have a 3-year-old, were heading out the door, they asked if we would witness their wills when they get around to writing them. We agreed, and we all laughed. But secretly I was thinking: "Just keep talking to your daughter. She's even more precocious than Hazel is. You'll be calling a planner before she's 4.

Out of the mouths of babes, indeed. 

Source: Boston Sunday Globe, April 30, 2006

Estate Planning - What Are You Waiting For?

There was a great post recently by Jennifer Sawday, an estate planning attorney in California, in which she talks about some of the reasons people don't make an estate plan.  The three she came up with were: price, fear and not knowing the consequences of not making a plan. 

I would add to this list: difficulty in making the decisions to form the plan. There are a lot of decisions that need to be made for your estate plan: who will make your health care decisions for you, who will make financial and other decisions for you, who will act as the guardian of your children, how will you divide your property, who will act as the trustee for your trust?  For some people these are easy decisions, for some they are more difficult. But the harder they are to make, the more important it is for you to make them.   If you can't decide who you want to act as guardian for your children, what would happen if that need arises? Will your families be in Court fighting over custody and letting the judge make the most crucial decision?

All of these obstacles to making an estate plan can be overcome by talking to an attorney. Your attorney can let you know the price of the estate plan so that you can begin to work it into your budget, your attorney can reassure you that drafting an estate plan will not cause bad things to happen to you, and your attorney can explain the consequences of not executing an estate plan.  In addition, your attorney can facilitate some of the decision making that needs to be done by letting you and your spouse or partner know the decisions that will need to be made, what the different roles are of the people you will be appointing, and asking questions to help you explore the areas where you might be stuck. It might take some time, but by starting the process you are half way there. 

(I like to add pictures to my posts, and today's picture is of my niece, Audrey June, at the Public Gardens in Boston wearing a dress and pants that I made for her.)

Do your kids need their own estate planning documents?

If your children are over 18, did you know that you no longer have access to their medical records, health insurance claims or other confidential information?  The only way for you to have access to these important documents is if your children sign the appropriate releases allowing you access: health care proxies, HIPAA releases, even Durable Powers of Attorney.

Now, maybe your children want their privacy and no longer want you to have access to these records. However, they should still be encouraged to appoint someone to be able to act for them if they become incapacitated or in the event of an emergency. Maybe they will want to appoint an older sibling, or close friend, or maybe they will want to appoint one parent and not the other.  Whatever they decide to do, remember that it is their decision and you should respect it.  When you are talking to them about this, try to frame the discussion so that they realize you aren't trying to violate their privacy, but rather you are trying to ensure they have some plan in place so that if an emergency arises, someone knows what their wishes are and has the legal authority to make decisions in accordance with those wishes.

Better yet, see if they'd like to make an appointment with an attorney to discuss these matters in confidence and learn the importance of planning for everyone over the age of 18.  If you or your children would like to speak with me about putting a plan into place, you can reach me at 781-749-2284.

I know I need a Will, now what? Or, choosing guardians for your children.

I received the following email from my friend the other day

Leanna, now that I have a baby, I guess we need a will. What do we do next?

I replied that the main thing she and her husband need to decide is - in the event of a tragedy, who would they like to raise their child? Some of the things I advised them to consider are:

• Who most closely matches your parenting philosophy? If you co-sleep, home-school and practice gentle discipline, consider the parenting style of the proposed guardians and where your children would feel most comfortable being raised in a manner you would have chosen for them.
• What age/health are the proposed guardians? Your mother loves your children, there is no doubt about that. But that doesn't mean that she should be the guardian of them. Consider her age, health, living arrangements (is there room for your three moppets in her 1 bedroom apartment?), and lifestyle (does she love to travel at the drop of a hat, or does she barely leave the house?) It might be more appropriate to choose someone closer to your age, maybe with similar aged children.
• Where are the proposed guardians located? You'll have to consider whether your choice of guardian would cause the children to be moved across the country to live with their guardians, or whether they could stay in the same school and neighborhood. 
• Do you want to choose an individual or a married couple? Whether you've chosen your best friend from high school or your brother, you need to consider whether you want to name that person's spouse as well. Remember, they could get divorced which could complicate the scenario. You might be better off just naming one person, with an alternate named if the first guardian is unavailable.
• Once you've made your choice, have a conversation with your proposed guardian about it. Then contact your attorney to draft the will before you change your minds.  Also, you might want to write letters, to be kept with the will, to people who might be upset by your choice explaining why you chose the guardians you chose. Hopefully these letters will never need to be read, but they will help smooth things over if they ever are.