Holiday Traditions for Young and Old

I asked my friend, Ann Quinlan, from Healthy Aging Matters,  to write a guest post (or two) about family matters during the Holidays.  Ann works with families who are helping their parents or loved ones through transitions, as a care manager, family liaison, mediator, educator, listener and all around good spirit.
When aging parents or relatives come to holiday gatherings, they can sometimes feel left out. Here are some ways to get everyone involved!

Halloween has passed and those once plump Jack O’ Lanterns have been scooped out and are on their way to pie land.  There are gifts to be wrapped, cards to be mailed. Our spirits are moved by the smells and sounds around us.  We have determined to resolve all those old differences and make this holiday time peace filled and joyous.  We glow with anticipation, excitement and open hearts. So, why that sprinkling of angst? Could it be some lingering ghosts from last year’s holiday gathering? A year has passed, yet the old unresolved tensions still have some pull on our good intentions.   Those old demons will probably not dissolve into mom’s eggnog recipe. Much as we tend to get stuck in the past we also know that a year can bring big changes. We may now be dealing with Grandma’s advancing dementia or Uncle Ted’s sudden propensity for pinching the ladies or getting into the cooking sherry. So how do we maintain a spirit of good will while heading old fears off at the pass?  One solution.  Become the best change agent possible.  These following ideas may not resolve all of your inner fears but they will help celebrate the blessing of family and friends.  You are not alone. We all share similar challenges.
So, get out your planner and start today by creating some new traditions.   

➢    Make a list of all family members coming to your home (keep this list for later)
➢    Assign tasks (from the youngest to the oldest)
➢    Ask elders to bring old photos/letters/family movies/coins/stamp collections
➢    Set aside a cloth covered table for displaying these items
➢    Ask elders to host this area and share these treasures with the family
➢    Turn off the Television!
➢    Keep music soft for the hearing impaired (or let the voices be the music)
➢    Have the young members of the clan interview & record elders (splurge on a good tape recorder for this living history)
➢    Elders want to help in the kitchen.  Give them a task. (polishing family silver is relaxing and leads to rich stories)
➢    When everyone is seated at the table link hands and ask the eldest of the clan to offer a blessing in their tradition (while a little scary this simple action can break through years of encrusted ego!)
➢    Move away from the dining room for dessert 
➢    Have the children organize a surprise concert/play or story time to introduce when dessert has been served
➢    Remember the copy of that list earlier?  Put them in a basket and pass around the room.  Each name drawn gets to share a memory or short story.

Doing these simple things helps create harmony.  By next year everyone will have come up with another idea or contribution.  This is how traditions are created and passed along.
And remember.  When the host is happy, everyone is happy!